We are so excited to be leading a Life Group on marriage. This week we are discussing the topic of SELFISH OR SERVANT LOVERS from Mark Driscoll’s DVD series entitled, REAL MARRIAGE.

Mark Driscoll says, “If a marriage is between two selfish people, it will be cold and dysfunctional. If a marriage is between a selfish person and a servant, the marriage will be selfish and abusive. If a marriage is between two servants it will be increasingly uniting and satisfying both in and out of the bedroom”  ~Mark Driscoll

Concerning the issue of selfishness, Driscoll says…“Jesus is the unselfish servant, but we are all selfish. Our selfishness is rooted in pride; we believe “I’m more important than you.” Proud people are selfish lovers, in and out of the bedroom (and most problems in the bedroom are the result of problems outside of the bedroom.) Selfishness shows up in the “little things,” the little foxes that gnaw at and destroy the roots of the precious vine of a marriage. Are you proud and selfish, or are you a humble servant, by the grace of God?”

In this section, Mark Driscoll addresses various reasons why we tend to lean toward being selfish. Check out some of these reasons and ask yourself if some of these might be reasons you are using to be a selfish lover in your marriage.

• Difficult seasons of life – Some seasons of life are difficult and challenging. It’s important to work through these challenges together.

• Secret sins – Sins that have not been confessed to our spouses invariably harm intimacy and oneness.

• Sins committed against us in the past – Such abuses can be life-damaging and are in serious need of counseling and prayer.

• Inappropriate sharing with others – Gossiping to others about frustrations we have with our spouse will always make things worse. Instead, learn to speak more openly with your spouse.

• Fatigue – Life is crazy busy for many. We need to pace ourselves so that we save the best for the ones we love the most.

• Insecurity – Sometimes, our own lack of confidence and unhealthy focus on ourselves can keep us from loving our spouse the way they need to be loved.

• Boredom – For some, the flame of passion has left their marriage due to the monotony of our daily lives.

In marriage, refuse to allow these reasons to be your excuses for an unhappy marriage. Instead, make the choice to be the Servant Lover our spouse needs from us. Let Paul’s challenge found in Philippians 2:3-8 be your guide on what your marriage looks like.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”


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